Andrew

my new journal is youwantandrew. you should add me because its gonna be dope. alright. bye.

im want to get a new journal because im embarassed to give this one to anybody because i think the name is so stupid and makes no sense. so if you have a code, please supply me with it. and i thank you.

the show tonight was fantastic. we played well and it was tons of fun. i cant believe its a tuesday night...actually wednesday morning. but its alright, because nights like these make school days bearable.

im so frustrated. fuck. i dont even know how i got here. im jsut so upset with the way this calss is going. i hate being in this tiny room, i hate using computers for photo, i hate the pictures i've taken, i dont like most of the people and they always ask stupid questions. but i think im just mostly frustrated with myself.

fruit salad show tomorrow in brighton somewhere. call me if you want to find out where becuase i dont know at this exact moment in time.

hey. so i got a 46% on math and a 94% on verbal. all in all i got a 1200 on my SAT's. whatever. community college here i come!

i've got cabin fever.

all i do up here is play video games with my cousin. its alright though. i kinda wanna be home though. i miss everyone. certain people more than others, but i miss everyone. so ill be home sunday night. bye.

15 Years Ago, I:
1. was 1
2. had wicked blond hair
3. lived in natick on plain st.
4. had no little sister
5. used to climb on the back of chairs so i would fall over.
10 Years Ago, I:
1. went to an episcopal military academy
2. lived in charleston, south carolina on the isle of palms
3. collected action figures
4. ran out of the doctors office and locked myself in my mom's car wiht her keys to avoid a shot. they rescheduled
5. had a rock mining birthday party where we looked through huge bags of sand for fancy rocks. we found a few.
5 years Ago, I:
1. started drinking
2. still went to that fucking school in that fucking state
3. started playing music with my cousin. we made a 2 person guitar and bass metal band called psychosis.
4. had my first girlfriend.
5. moved into a house that used to be a crack den and before that it wa a mortuary. it was in the middle of the ghetto too
3 Years Ago, I:
1. started CSW
2. met a bunch of people for the first time who have changed my life
3. had pink hair and an 8 inch mohawk within 2 months
4. was still drinking.
5. started other things.
1 Year Ago, I:
1. was dating sonia
2. met more people
3. was kind of a loser
4. drove to school with cole every morning
5. kinda had my shit together
4 months ago, I:
1. was really depressed
2. was fatter
3. had an intact nose
4. changed a lot of stuff in my life, as far as other people go
5. was angry a lot
Yesterday, I:
1. went to the doctors office
2. ate a burrito
3. killed three cops
4. tricked my dad into thinking i had fractured my skull
5. had band practice
Today, I:
1. went to the doctors office again
2. listened to earth crisis all day
3. realized i kinda like this girl for real
4. will drive (me driving) to connecticut
5. will see my amazing cousin
Tomorrow, I:
1. will be in washington, connecticut, which is in the niddle of nowhere, but awesome
2. will miss that HOSS fundraiser
3. will be chillin and not thinking about school or stupid shit
4. will hopefully talk to that girl
5. will probably kill 3 more cops

they decided not to straighten my nose. there is no real reason to i guess. i can breathe fine and its not that crooked. they wouldve had to give me a shot on the inside of my nose, up by my brain, and then slam my nose with a metal rod and then fix it and make me wear a casty thing. i said fuck it. which is sweet. it wouldve sucked a billion times over. ok. great.

loveandrew

p.s. i wanna start a really violent chuggy band. we should be named something like "im gonna make you bleed and cry" or "death incarnate" or "gods of wrath" or "if you dont wanna die then get out of the fucking room". who wants to be in it? and im serious by the way.

so today at 12:40 im going to stroll into the Harvard Vanguard Ear Nose and Throat unit where some stupid doctorman is going to break my nose further and then set it into place. he better be fast. and i better be inches from dead on painkillers. that son of a bitch. have a good weekend everyone.

ok. so i have never broken a bone before. but on saturday night, in a drunken rage, i oficially broke my own nose with a chair leg. my parents think that this is the funniest thing they have ever heard. i think its pretty funny too. man. i gues im a super mess when im really drunk. my dad kept trying to tell me "thats what alcohol will do to you" but he kept laughing and counldnt get out the full sentence. my mom jsut kept laughing and calling me stupid. hahaha. this is awesome. but i have to get it set into place because its apparently broken at a bad angle. its gonna hurt a lot.

loveandrew

now it feels like there's something floating around inside my nose every time i touch it but theres no reason to spend money getting it x rayed because they cant do anything to help your nose anyway. and i guess im going to the galapagos islands next year. geeeeeeeeeeeeez. in like march or something. its kinda crazy, we're living on like a 40 person boat for 10 days and doing all this crazy shit. i think im just going to drink with my dad the whole time. we reached that as a joint decision. i guess today was alright. yeah. it was ok.

yeah. im in school and ive done all i can/need to do today. so im jsut gonna sit on this computer for extended periods of time.

so my internet is down, but it should be fixed soon. i guess things didnt work out how i wanted them to at all. some parts were spectacular but basically the three things i was looking forward to got all fucked up. but the in-between was sweet. i almost broke my own nose at that party hitting myself with the chair leg as hard as i could. the immediate impact was so hard it brought tears to my eyes and i heard that sickening noise and i saw spots. i didnt realize how fucked up it was until the next morning. i guess i really hurt it. it still kills and probably will for a while. stupid fucking nose. stupid fucking booze. ive realized that every time i get really drunk at parties i always dont like it as much as i thought i would and then i just want to go home. im not sure if i need to take it easy with the hard liquor, with drinking in general, or just big parties. but in any case i bought "melon collie and the infinite sadness" today and its so amazing. and i talked to that girl for a wicked long time and it was a really really nice talk. its comforting. shes awesome. im kinda having trouble dealing with school still. i thought i was ok for a while, but i was wrong. it just makes me feel shitty. and my parents dont really understand thus they dont know what to do about it. and it just sucks because it puts a huge strain on our relationship because we always argue and fight about it. its fucking ridiculous.

im not actually upset about anything about last night at all. i was just really stoned. shit happens. and i dont really care.

tonight was great until me and john got a huge dick shoved in our ass. we had fun until then. that sucked. thanks to everyone who didnt shove that veiny cock in our collective heart.


lovenaselandtenrock

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooook...i guess i dont really have any idea what i want out of life. i know that im feeling better about myself, but not necessarily my place. i feel like im just fucking around, sitting on a bench somewhere waiting for something great to happen to me. waiting for some guy to drive by and throw an oppurtunity out his window into my lap. i guess i'll be sitting here for a while. it makes me feel very useless. it makes me feel like everything im doing and think is important really isnt and that ill have to leave it all behind someday to be happy. but i cant imagine doing that because it is the only thing that does make me happy. all i think about is nothing. my mind cant focus. i feel like ive been hit in the head ten times and i cant focus my vision, i cant focus my thoughts. they're all scattered and fly all over the place, making no connection with one another. and this all makes having to try and work at school harder. because nothing stays in my brain. rachel hirsch thinks that there's something wrong with me because i seem different and irritable and upset in class all the time. i guess i am. maybe im jsut sick of hearing the same assholes make stupid jokes and talk just so they can hear their own voice. i feel violent. i want to hit them so hard that they bleed all over my fist. is that fucked up?

today was alright. i think i have a lot of work to do though. i feel very anxious lately. there's no good reason, i have nothing to be anxious about. it doesnt really make any sense. i dont really make any sense.

and i really hope this isnt another stupid crush.

i cant fucking believe im back at school. i cant think of anything worse. the weekend cannot come fast enough.

show went well. good kids were there. i like hanging out with the kids from terminal youth. good guys there are. everything seems to be looking up for me though. i dont feel as down on myself as i used to. all the bad things in my past that used to haunt me, i confronted. they're all over and done with and i can finally move on. we'll see what happens. im ready to start living my life for now and the future. sounds good to me.


loveandrew